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Posts Tagged ‘Family’

Just over a week ago our son married a wonderful young woman.

She is witty and wise, has a wonderful laugh, a radiant smile that brings joy to others, is caring and giving, inclusive, and loves my son. It may seem odd, but one of the things I love most about her is that she loves her mother. Family is important to her. Of all the gifts she offers my son, this is one of the greatest.

Their vows to each included that they would love each other through sickness and good health, and they mean it. Both have experienced trauma in their families and both know how difficult it can be to keep going forward together. It can be easy when things go well, but, as they alluded to in their vows, times together can be mundane, can be frustrating, can be sad, troubling, difficult. But where there is real commitment, love can be uplifting, the source of goodness and fulfilment.

This couple knows that. I love them for this, and for what they bring to each other.

I watched my son as his bride walked towards him. His face was lit up with happiness and joy and excitement. She was glowing and so very happy to be walking to him, about to marry their lives together.

We say that all we want for our children is to be happy.

This is a very happy couple. I thank my daughter in law and her family for bringing so much to this marriage.

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Our Family Grows

Just a few weeks ago our family celebrated something most wonderful and momentous. (Oddly, that which is so very special to us, happens in the world four times every second of every day!)

My daughter in law and my son have a daughter.

My daughter in law has done all the work so far, but for both of them their journey is beginning now.

After a difficult pregnancy, my daughter in law has fallen in love with her daughter. Nothing prepared me for seeing my son fall in love with her too. He has always been good with young children, and when he was little he and his brother played with and cared for their much younger sister. Still, I am proud of the way he takes care of and loves his daughter.

Unlike I was, my daughter in law is expecting sleepless nights, tortured days, exhaustion, having to deal with the unknown. Women are now perhaps more open in talking about the times of frustration and despair as well as the times of utter joy and ecstasy when holding a contented baby. Still, nothing really prepares us for the roller coaster ride of being a new parent. The highs, the lows, the mundane. Women also have to cope with a new identity, one that describes us primarily as a mother rather than a lawyer, accountant, manager ….

But the greatest, most responsible, most fulfilling, most awe filled, most wonder filled work of all, is that of being a parent.

I thank my son and his wife for bringing into the world a delightful little person, and for including me in their lives. And I thank my daughter in law and her parents for including us.Our families are forever linked.

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My daughter was married on Saturday. 

Some highlights:

* As we waited for my daughter and her father, my husband, to arrive I was surrounded by our family. Next to me were our sons, and behind me were my daughter-in-law (wise, warm, an essential part of my life for so many reasons) and my future daughter-in-law (with a radiant smile that embraces and spreads joy). How blessed to have such a family. They make me complete.  In this moment I know my cup brims over.

* The man about to marry my daughter watched her slowly walk toward him and as he smiled it seemed as if, for him, this was his entire world. He took her hands in his, looked into her eyes, and was moved to tears. In this moment I loved him more.

* As they exchanged their vows the sun came out and it was as if the universe smiled.

* The mother of my new son-in-law gave a wonderful speech. She was funny, witty, and, best of all, her words embraced her daughter-in-law.

* In mid sentence my son-in-law said “my wife”, chuckled, paused and smiled as he again said “my wife”. 

* The first dance together as husband and wife was spectacular. It was a mix of romance, drama, fun and action, and moved easily into everyone joining them on the dance floor. Even me! Young and old rocked on together. Everyone stayed on the dance floor for hours.

* An atmosphere of happiness and joy pervaded the ceremony and celebration. It was tangible and touched everyone. The high spirits, emotions and energy of this couple lifted me up and made a magical celebration for everyone. They dismissed every potential stress, and their calm and focus on what was truly important soothed me, and I laughed and shared their joy.

But the moment I most remember is at home, minutes before we left. I stepped into the living room and saw my daughter,  a bride. In that moment, every memory I have of my daughter flashed before me and merged into this vision of beauty. I saw the baby lying asleep on my chest as we lay on the couch in the afternoon sun. I saw the toddler jumping off the stairs into a bean bag. I saw the little girl who wriggled into a space beside me to be as close as possible as I lay immobilised in a tilt bed in the spinal unit. I felt the arms of the little girl who placed them around my neck as she sat as close as possible as we wheeled on the prone trolley months later. I saw the little girl who never saw the wheelchair I sat in, only seeing her mother whose lap she wanted to sit in. I saw the ballerina, beautifully serene and beaming as she waited to dance as a unicorn. I saw the little girl who looked after her crippled mother and elderly grandmother when we flew to Melbourne – lifting luggage the size of own little body off the carousel, and making us cups of tea in bed. I saw the little girl arriving at Wellington international airport having flown alone from Sydney. I saw the girl who rode horses ten times her size. I saw the tomboy who climbed trees and was fearless. I saw the public speaker, confident in every situation. I saw the athlete who ran, cycled, swam. I saw the young woman who has seen so much of the world, determined, overcoming challenges. I saw the young woman who took me on road trips to Mt Maunganui. I saw my brave, loving, kind, strong daughter. I saw my best friend. I saw a goddess standing before me. I saw my wonderful daughter on the happiest day of her life … and I burst into tears, my heart so full love for her, and joy that she loves and is loved.

I saw my friend and daughter who had included me in her wedding preparations. Who the evening before had included me, with her bridesmaids, in drinking cosmos, eating pizza, and watching Moulin Rouge, laughing and reminiscing. My generous daughter who opened our home to her friends and family on the morning of her wedding, to share her happiness this day. Her happiness was infectious and as we all scrambled to get ready at the last minute, we laughed as we found ourselves  sharing space, three or four people in every room.

As we waited for the bride, I watched the groom and thought of my son who two years before had stood waiting for his bride. I remembered his nervousness. I remembered the smile and joy as he watched her come toward him. I remembered the happiness that she reawakened in him when they found each other. I turned to my future daughter-in-law and she smiled at me, reassuring me. Sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, friends and more. I, and my grown up children, are truly fortunate to know love and be part of loving, caring, growing families.

“There is no greater happiness than to love and to be loved in return”

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